I am currently listening to Taylor Swift’s Red album while I write this article. Yes, I admit, it’s super embarrassing. Taylor Swift is arguably a controversial musician despite her global acclaim and popularity. 

When I was eight, I was a huge Taylor Swift fan. I refused to listen to any other musician (yes, it’s actually true), and called myself a “Swiftie.” Luckily, by middle school, I began to expand my musical taste and created a Spotify account. Spotify allowed me to discover newer, fresher musicians. I began to love funk, jazz ballads, and pop-music acoustic covers. As I grew up, my musical taste evolved with me.

Now, I am currently a high school senior, and I rarely listen to Taylor Swift. I actually do not particularly like her music anymore (especially her newer albums). 

However, I have been listening to Taylor Swift non-stop recently. I am a bit terrified to see the results of my Spotify Wrapped this year. 

Why?

Senior Fall.

Senior Fall is stressful for most people, myself included. There is a profound sense of uncertainty. I have no idea if I will end up across the country or right next door. I have no idea where I will be accepted and where I will be denied. I have no idea the person I will become in a year. 

My future is extremely uncertain, and I find myself yearning for the remnants of my youth. When I hear Taylor’s folksy ballads, I feel as if I am running around my elementary school playground again without any obligations or homework; I feel young. 

I find this situation perplexing. I do not want to be “little” again. In fact, I want the contrary. I am excited to be an adult! I am ready to live independently for the first time, take college classes, and make new friends from around the world.

Music is extremely personal. Even publishing this article is scary. The music we listen to reflects our deepest emotions and experiences. Music has carried me through the most joyful and challenging moments of my life. 

Yet, I feel some desperate need to shield the music I listen to from others. In class, if I listen to music, I make sure no one sees. It feels as if someone sees the music I am listening to, they will somehow know a big secret about me. 

I have no idea why I take music so seriously.

I think it is human nature, though. I have spoken with numerous people who feel the same way “Musical secrecy” is actually a common phenomenon! 

But, it shouldn’t be.

So, I listen to Taylor Swift sometimes. 

I’m sorry in advance.